burden

There comes a time in life, when you get too tired of everyone and everything. It gets just too heavy for you to live a normal life. It gets so suffocating that you feel like running away. And run until you can no longer feel that burden in your heart. You are sick of fighting. You give up. You just want to hide somewhere. But since you can't actually run to the mountains, you hide from people in your life. You find your escape in daily life. You start lying to people to stay alone. You make excuses. You cancel plans. You don't pick calls. You reply to a text after hours. You fake it that you are unwell. And you do all that because you don't want anyone else to burn in your flames. You know you are hurting. And you don't want to hurt anyone else. You have so much stuff inside that you don't want to burst onto someone. You don't want to be judged for your story, your scars. You don't want to become their rumor. So even when you fall at your weakest, you don't ask people for help. Because who knows where this trust will take you. You can't afford to take chances anymore. Your soul shivers. Your heart aches. And your eyes are too tired to even cry.

So you go numb. You go numb in your heart. You build a wall around you. You peek out of that wall only to smile at people. You laugh with them at their odd jokes. You talk as if nothing is bothering you. You fool everyone, daily. And sometimes, you fool even yourself. You look at yourself in the mirror and ask "But you look really happy, no?" It's not a solution. But it's an escape. And sometimes, an escape is as good as a cure. We don't have a perfect life. So we should stop looking for perfect solutions. It's good to take that break from people if it gives you space to reflect on your life. It's a great relief that you can just sit in silence and soak in all that's happening with you. It's a blessing when people are not constantly asking "Why you look upset?" Sometimes, not asking questions is the best conversation. But people don't get it. People want to control us. So to have that space, we lie. We lie to find our truth.