journey

Sometimes I think that I have screwed this life. Too much time has run out, and I have not done enough of what I always wanted to do. There are too many scars on my soul. There are too many bad memories, too many heartbreaks, too many wrong choices, and too many tears. Sometimes, this baggage seems just too heavy to carry. And in those weak moments, I wish I could erase everything and make my life a clean slate. I wish to start over, fresh. You know, it's not like I have not learned from my mistakes. I have. I have repeated some mistakes. I have messed up. But I am wiser now. I am not as stupid as I used to be. But still, still, that past haunts you at times. And you wish you had not met those people. You had not made those idiotic judgments. People say that keep past in past. But how can you do that? Once the eyes you trusted betray you, how can you look into any eyes and melt in trust again? The flashbacks come in. The eyes remember the tears again. The heart remembers that ache. It's just a hide and seek game between me and my memories. Sometimes, I win. Sometimes, I lose. And at times, I get tired of this fight. I want to get rid of the memories, the past, the flashbacks, the lessons, the pain.

I know you must be thinking how stupid this all sounds. But I am tired of logic. I am sick of people telling me what to do. All those motivational videos and books don't work. Life is not that simple as some people preach it to be. Life is a mess of a million heartstrings intertwined like hell. And you think you have answers for my mess? You fraud, you. You can't always fight, you know. Sometimes, you have to surrender to the pain. And it's okay in your weakest moment to seek refuge in a fairytale, a wish. It will never work. But, it gives those moments of happiness that one day, it will all be over. And for me, that wish is that I could start all over again. For me, that wish is that I will have no baggage, no pain to carry. And even if this wish stays a wish. I will keep wishing. I will keep praying. For life is nothing but a journey in hope. And I am walking.