value

you know the thing about being someone’s second choice? it bloody hurts. you become this person who is always remembered when they want something from you. you’re not their priority or anything. you just exist when they need something.

when you have too many options, you’re never going to commit to someone. people get confused with what to do and whom to choose. you become that person for them.

their plan b. you put them on a pedestal and do all you can to make them happy, to complete them – but it never really works, does it?

it’s their face  you’d look for whenever you’d walk into a room – and find them looking over your shoulder, as if you didn’t exist, not until you two were alone. they’d only talk to you when they were bored or everyone else was busy.

you’d pretend to not care, to not notice, but deep down you know – you aren’t a friend to them or a lover, you are someone they turn to kill time. yet you keep hoping that one day they’ll pick you.

but here is the thing: until you walk away, they’ll never truly understand your value.

Generation Love❤️

don’t love like my generation does

we’re a generation of broken people. we take things either too seriously or casually. we open our hearts, love with everything we have, travel 10kms just to get an ice-cream with them, or we shut people out, ghost them, and binge-watch all day.

we are not the first generation to be going through several crises at once – unemployment, recession, lockdown, a civil war, and a pandemic – yet our only plan to fight against all of this is by looking at memes. we smile, smirk, and laugh, go back to feeling lonely. that’s us.

our generation redefined love stories. we all have heard stories from our elders, how they would meet secretly after school or call on the landline and hope their lovers pick up the phone instead of their parents. but now, we hang out in cafes and snap when we’re bored.

once upon a time, we’d fall in and fall out of love without our parents ever finding out about it. but now, it’s not true love unless you post a picture with them on the internet.

we ruined the concept of love. we seek solace in moments that don’t last. from one night stands to casual dating, everything is available on our fingertips, and it is all okay, but the problem is that we’re the generation who has forgotten to love selflessly, to stand up for love, to believe in something, like the concept of forever.

we don’t practice what we preach. we read books like ‘the fault in our stars’, consume movies like ‘me before you’, and we all want a happy ending, but we don’t put efforts. we don’t cross mountains or even puddles.

we just want all things to happen quickly. did we forget to love? we run before we can walk. we are not shy, we’re forward. we approach people we like. when we get bored, we move onto the next person. our bio says, “thank you, next”.

we’re leaving behind too many broken hearts and broken hearts raise broken families. perhaps, we’re the last generation who will love. anyone after us, they will all be in love with the concept of love.

burden

There comes a time in life, when you get too tired of everyone and everything. It gets just too heavy for you to live a normal life. It gets so suffocating that you feel like running away. And run until you can no longer feel that burden in your heart. You are sick of fighting. You give up. You just want to hide somewhere. But since you can't actually run to the mountains, you hide from people in your life. You find your escape in daily life. You start lying to people to stay alone. You make excuses. You cancel plans. You don't pick calls. You reply to a text after hours. You fake it that you are unwell. And you do all that because you don't want anyone else to burn in your flames. You know you are hurting. And you don't want to hurt anyone else. You have so much stuff inside that you don't want to burst onto someone. You don't want to be judged for your story, your scars. You don't want to become their rumor. So even when you fall at your weakest, you don't ask people for help. Because who knows where this trust will take you. You can't afford to take chances anymore. Your soul shivers. Your heart aches. And your eyes are too tired to even cry.

So you go numb. You go numb in your heart. You build a wall around you. You peek out of that wall only to smile at people. You laugh with them at their odd jokes. You talk as if nothing is bothering you. You fool everyone, daily. And sometimes, you fool even yourself. You look at yourself in the mirror and ask "But you look really happy, no?" It's not a solution. But it's an escape. And sometimes, an escape is as good as a cure. We don't have a perfect life. So we should stop looking for perfect solutions. It's good to take that break from people if it gives you space to reflect on your life. It's a great relief that you can just sit in silence and soak in all that's happening with you. It's a blessing when people are not constantly asking "Why you look upset?" Sometimes, not asking questions is the best conversation. But people don't get it. People want to control us. So to have that space, we lie. We lie to find our truth.

journey

Sometimes I think that I have screwed this life. Too much time has run out, and I have not done enough of what I always wanted to do. There are too many scars on my soul. There are too many bad memories, too many heartbreaks, too many wrong choices, and too many tears. Sometimes, this baggage seems just too heavy to carry. And in those weak moments, I wish I could erase everything and make my life a clean slate. I wish to start over, fresh. You know, it's not like I have not learned from my mistakes. I have. I have repeated some mistakes. I have messed up. But I am wiser now. I am not as stupid as I used to be. But still, still, that past haunts you at times. And you wish you had not met those people. You had not made those idiotic judgments. People say that keep past in past. But how can you do that? Once the eyes you trusted betray you, how can you look into any eyes and melt in trust again? The flashbacks come in. The eyes remember the tears again. The heart remembers that ache. It's just a hide and seek game between me and my memories. Sometimes, I win. Sometimes, I lose. And at times, I get tired of this fight. I want to get rid of the memories, the past, the flashbacks, the lessons, the pain.

I know you must be thinking how stupid this all sounds. But I am tired of logic. I am sick of people telling me what to do. All those motivational videos and books don't work. Life is not that simple as some people preach it to be. Life is a mess of a million heartstrings intertwined like hell. And you think you have answers for my mess? You fraud, you. You can't always fight, you know. Sometimes, you have to surrender to the pain. And it's okay in your weakest moment to seek refuge in a fairytale, a wish. It will never work. But, it gives those moments of happiness that one day, it will all be over. And for me, that wish is that I could start all over again. For me, that wish is that I will have no baggage, no pain to carry. And even if this wish stays a wish. I will keep wishing. I will keep praying. For life is nothing but a journey in hope. And I am walking.

independance day

Independence day, we Indians have a sentimental feeling with this word and obviously we would be having because we were releived from those people we were fighting for do long, but after so many years of independence are we still indepedent.. are we still azaad

For me it's No

Whenever any girl is in market with a guy, many people will judge her left right and center claming her with anomous names without even know the actual status of her. Are we independant with these thoughts no.

In bollywood movies, there are many item songs which are love😍 right such as chikni Chameli, muni badnam and many more in which character of women is scandalized infront of everyone and we enjoyed. Are we independant no.

Our education system offers an equal liberty to everyone, and have taught in our childhood सत्यमेव ज्यते" in which all are equal under tha law but are we abiding these laws, are people not taking bribes and giving seats to non deserving candidates, are we not using black money for own profits. Are we independant no.

And the most common we can find in our society, from childhood so called society has termed it's own beleive and conditions on both men and women, which tell us that men don't cry. Are seriously men don't cry, I don't think so

Are women's emotionaly fools, then how they can run the household with jobs and kids😎

Are these the chances of independant no.

This independance day year all the clauses and terms which society has made for us and live the life where we can actually call a person as a friend who can be our family too.

to the moments I couldn't forget

To the moments I couldn't forget.....

When the lockdown was surphased all over India, many thoughts were embedded inside my mind and heart and were continously saying through eyes that I want to be at home, to the people who are mine... To the ones who care for me. I was in constant touch with my family through video calls telling them that everyone here was taking care of me but who can tell them that these are not my people, these are those who envy from me everytime I step outside from home. Those video call moments when I was Conceling my tears with smile. Those moments I couldn't forget.

When police was stopping us from coming out of our homes and we were forced to live with the amentities present at hom, but who can tell them a single person residing in a single room won't have such amenities at home. They have to eat food outside to satisfy their hunger. But due to this lockdown when no shopseller was allowing their parcel to deliver at home and I've to starve for food. Those moments I couldn't forget.

Though many friends came to my home and chatt throughout the day showing how their lockdown day is spending but no one ever questions me how mine was spending. I know that they are my friends and they care for me but no one questions me about my whereabout when they were not here. Those linguring questions coming in my mind day and night, I could not forget..

Lockdown sometimes changes your overall personality from being a cool dude extrovert to a silent book lover introvert. So don't let the lockdown change the inner you and keep the child within you alive.

Flashes from Past....

Sometimes in our life we had dreamt of something which we want to achieve to lead a successful life, everyone has many dreams which they want to fulfil but sometimes god is playing his cards and when god is playing his cards no can do anything beyond that

😉

Sometimes while weaving our dreams we weave someone else dreams into it and we had no idea about that Sometimes their priority becomes our priority, their one smile brightens

the entire dark room of our life with happiness but when they cry it feels like to destroy the whole world,but sometimes destiny has another plans for us

Someone has rightly said that"SOME DREAMS ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN"

Prologue

The Conversation with Rohan has reminded me with startling intensity of the person I used to be- a person with hopes, ambitions and a desire to live life to brim. I was just like him enthusiastic, positive person who blabbers a lot about different topics. I always had a habit of asking questions even to a small topic to make the topic interesting and hilarious to the whole class, I still remember while attending the home science class I explained the procedure of making achar(pickle) like a Masterchef  explains his dish to people present their, just to make the class interesting. I still miss my past which plays an important part in my life.

I think about Aditya. I think about how we met, I've replayed everything that happened that day at least million times in mind through all these years because that day changed my life completely. I loved him with purity and innocent heart and was certain at that time that he loved me too. I wonder how he would look now after 7 years, yes 7 long years has gone but my life has stopped on the track where me and aditya were separated. I wonder what I'll feel if I were to ever meet her again in my life again.

Later in the afternoon while having lunch in office, Aditya dances around in my head and she refuses to when I was presenting presentation in-front of my boss,  he didn't said anything but his expressions were saying all what he was feeling. He's still with me when I was preparing reports for the assignment and remains there when I was going back to home. And later that night when my mother was asking my daily routine through call she was still there in my head..........

TRUST.......

I have believed people. Trust me, I always have. I believed them when I was too young to know that people can lie. And I kept believing people even when I grew up with my lessons and scars. I kept believing them because I always thought that no, this human is different. This one feels genuine. And I was always proven wrong, always. So it took me many broken friendships, many heartbreaks, many betrayals, many lies, many tears, and many helpless nights to finally accept that people will always lie. I have made this golden rule in my life to not trust any words, any promises. No matter how pure those eyes look, no matter how sincere the voice sounds, no matter what they swear on, I will not believe your words. I just can not.

But it does not mean that I don't trust anyone. I do trust my people, very few, but I do trust them honestly. But they have earned my trust, with time, with situations, with support. I did not trust them when they said trust me. I trusted them when I saw that care, that honesty, in their actions. Actions, I repeat, actions win my trust, not words. I have been bitten too many times to take that leap of faith for you. No, my feet are firmly on the ground. You know, it's very easy to say things when we want something. You want me as a friend or as a lover, and you will make up anything in the world to impress me, to make me stay. It's very natural for us humans. We are slaves to our desires. We lie because we want it badly. We fake because we can't take a no. We promise because we are too desperate. That's what we humans are. We are weak.

But I have made myself strong now. I know it makes me sound arrogant to you. I know you will say I have an attitude problem. You will call me all the bad things in the world. But you know what? I feel good about myself. I am a hard person to win over. It will take you time, emotions, efforts, and honesty to win my trust. It will be trouble. But it will be worth all the trouble. Because once I count you as my human, then I will do anything for you, anything. But, I am gold, my dear. You can't have me cheap. You have to earn it.